Houston Astros

After coming out of nowhere to win a franchise high 93 games last season the Houston Astros have playoffs hopes for the first time. Entering their third year under new management the new GM was active once again. After trading away 9 minor league players during the off season the Astros acquired a new starting CF, a utility man, and the future of the franchise Everett Hill. The Astros appear loaded but face an uphill battle in the always stacked NL. In order for the Astros to make the playoffs their aging bullpen must hold up and their players must put the Miguel Tejada incident behind them.

Projected Starting Lineups/Batting Order:

RF Sid Bryant - After winning the ROY Award in Season 6 Sid battled testicular cancer during Season 7. As the Chemotherapy took its toll Sid saw his batting average fall like his white blood cell count, ending the season hitting a meager .277. Fitted with a new custom cup, Sid figures to bounce back to his rookie season form.

2B Jim Wise - Forrest Gump here is a speedster from Oklahoma. Wise stole 50 bases last year off of 88 hits. Even with The Man changing the settings, Wise hopes to be the catalyst for the Astros monster lineup.

1B Rocky Spencer - The undisputed Captain of the team, Rocky hopes to be in the MVP conversation at the end of the season. A great hitter with a great eye, Rocky struck out only 30 times last season and hit 43 bombs. If Rocky can live up to his talent the Astros may be able to grab a playoff spot.

LF Heinie Watkins - What is there to say about Fat Boy that hasn’t been said already? Still young, still a beast, still better than you. The first player in HBD history to sprain his ankle after catching a fly ball Fat Boy hopes to raise his RF above 1.29.

C Juan Santiago - Juan is perhaps the team’s most consistent player. Last year he won a Silver Slugger Award and was selected to the All Star team. Not know for his defense or his ability to manage a game, Juan has some of the best splits you will ever see.

CF Rafael Almanzar - Acquired during the offseason for 3 minor league players, the AL Right Field silver slugger last season hopes to make an impact on his new team. The Astros hope Rafael can raise his batting average and improve on his stellar power numbers even further.

SS Jamie Xaio- After contract negotiations with the Astros broke down during the off season it looked as though Xiao may have been heading back to the Japanese Leagues. Xiao’s greedy agent and bossy wife insisted that he be paid over seven million dollars in arbitration or over six million a year for four years. This price tag scared off all possible suitors during the free agent negotiation period. However, after half of Spring training had elapsed, a mysterious death, and a timely deportation, Xiao agreed to sign with the Astros for a little more than four million dollar for one season.

3B Giovanni Young - Giovanni has won his opportunity to start at 3B this season, albeit by default. Giovanni is a steady hitter and has a cool name.


Bench

C Gregory McMillan - Forgot about him.

2B Gregory McMillan - With a 35 health rating the Astros have concluded that Lackey has the AIDS.

CF Santos Bolivar- Last years starting CF Santos hopes to bring a spark off the bench.

SS Santos Bolivar- Peter is an ideal utility man and should be a good fill in for any injured player.



Projected Pitching Staff

Starters:

SP1 Dan Hitchcock - Dan’s stuff is so dirty you can’t even say his name in World Chat. The Astros are hoping Dan can become an ace now that he is 25 years old.

SP2 Willie Espinosa* - Fireballer Willie Espinosa has nearly squandered his entire 18 million dollar signing bonus and is already looking for his next contract. The pride of the Astros’ GM, Willie is expected to do great things and will be given every opportunity he needs.

SP3 Steve Crow - Now a full year away from a devastating injury that ruined Steve’s career the Astros are still hoping that he can become a solid pitcher. With an increased training budget, but without his buddy Miguel Tejada to help Steve inject those pesky B12 shots in his arse, Steve’s health will be a question mark yet again.

SP4 Clay Griffith - Clay is a winner. Nothing about him will blow you away but he managed to win 14 games last season, the most on the Astros staff.

SP5 Tuck Buck - Tuck may not be the best pitcher in the league. Tuck may not be a Cy Young winner. Tuck may not even be an All Star, yet he sure is paid like one. And despite Tuck preferring Dwight Johnson’s brother over his sister he still has more money than all of us.

Bullpen:
LR Graham Maxwell - Graham is a solid relief pitcher who won 11 games out of the pen last year. Expect him to be solid yet again.

LR Ralph Erickson Nicknamed Over Rated, the best thing Ralph can do for the Astros is bring them a draft pick as a free agent at the end of the season.

LR Edgar Trajano - Platinum Recording Artist Edgar Trajano is know as ‘The King of Tejano’ in his native land of Lincoln Alabama.

SU Louie Lee - Plain and simple Louie Lee deserved to be the NL Cy Young winner. The Astros simply hope that he doesn’t turn to dust sometime during the season. He is old.

SU Wiki Plata - Good name.

SU Gaylord Ward - Hah!


Closer Vinny Post - Vinny showed promise in season 6 as a rookie, but just like Sid, Vinny struggle last season. His ERA jumped from 3.82 to 7.78. He blew to many saves and needs to improve this year or he may lost the closer job and possibly find himself in Kansas City.



Outlook:

Health seems to be the biggest problem for the Astros. Management took notice and spent 18 million on Health and 18 million on Training. The Astros’ biggest problems are something they can’t do anything about, the Reds, the Marlins, the Cubs, and the Swingers. The Astros played well against these teams, won 93 games, and still missed out on a playoff spot by 7 games. Chances are they will win 99 games this season and miss out on a playoff berth by 1 game.