The Season 31 Mets

The Mets did some strange things this off season. Maybe I should have stayed in bed. Surely I improved the team but as things played out, I could kick myself from day 1.

The first thing I did was go find a catcher. I didn't care what he looked like as long as he swung at fast balls and have a tendency to park them.   Okay, our first choice was spirited away from us for more than I was willing to pay. Chip Knepper became the target as the starter and joins Jeff Porter as his very capable late inning replacement.

Leo Rodney remains the primary 1B for another year or so and will probably retire with his entire career here. He has lost some steam and really has muddled thru most of his career and we don't know why.

Jim Conner was stolen from under the radar. he is young and we think he can do the job at 2B for a couple years.

Brutus Mora was moved to 3B last year after I fumbled things at that position without realizing it. He was happy and was the best player on the team last year.

Carlos DeSoto proved he was the best SS on the team last year. We hope so as he is our hope there. We just wish he could hit.

Ronny Gant has been a fixture in LF for several years now. Reconstructive elbow surgery didn't help his throwing motion but his swing remains.

Jimmie Valentin gets the call in CF this season. He was sort of exiled here last season and hoped he could move to 2B.

Marc Redman gets lost in RF again as his antics at 2B are for the birds. Now if he would just be the lead off hitter he should be. 

Jamie Beltre was a last second FA signing because we had no backup hitters on the bench. He can fill in at most positions but we are really trying to figure out how to make him an everyday player.

Darryl Palmer returns as our everyday handy man and prankster. Keep those girlfriends and wives close, he does have a sneaky way with them.

Mariano Diaz is just happy about being in the majors. His only English, "I hit ball long way."  We just wish it was more than once every 50 AB's.

The pitching staff is a mystery to everyone, including the opposition. Hot one day and can't find their ass for a week. Well, we made some changes. We don't know why either.

Rich Faulk has been named the opening day starter already. That didn't go over well with someone.

Fausto Castillo was named second in the rotation and shit his pants.

Matthew Ford was named the third starter even though he is the new guy. The reason, he winked at Bruce shyly.

Harry Rodriguez was moved down to the fourth spot. It will the first time since, I can't remember, that he isn't the opening day starter. Yeah, he is pissed at the demotion but after last year it is a wonder he isn't frying hamburgers in the stands.

Nicholas Weaver also shit his pants, he hasn't started a game since he was considered the chosen one in Houston and that was at AAA.

Brian Grim actually got a promotion in the pen as we are gonna do things differently this year. How it will work is a mystery to every one.

Ubaldo Rijo actually apologized fro his lackluster job last season. His payday proved that point so we kept him.

Mike Jenkins is a mystery to everyone including himself. He really thought of finding a new job and giving up his dream. Maybe next season.

Joaquin Romano is sinister looking. It has its plus side, just hope it works again this season.

Ted Maxwell is the glue in the pen. We just need to get him in the game at the right time. That has been a problem.

F.P. Creek was the heir apparent to the Closers job this season. He was caught jerking off on the mound between innings to the disgust of the ump. I think he was trying out a new spit ball if you ask me. He failed and gets stuck getting fucked.

Sherm Brock gets the chance to be fireman of the year if the rest of the team is in agreement.